what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i've created a new STD.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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