I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Randomize
