it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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