You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
