we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
