she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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