i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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