I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
