Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
