Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
