I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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