I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
