Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
did you just send me my own nude
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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