Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
