Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
