and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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