I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
