i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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