Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
