I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
