Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
