so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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