There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
