You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
