she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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