We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
