this beer tastes like vomit already
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
