I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
