We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
