Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
