Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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