Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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