If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
