I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
