my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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