I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
