Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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