More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
