and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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