The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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