Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
