White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
