i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
