Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
