Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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