i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
