i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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