If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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