where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I want her autograph on my taint
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
