Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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